Giving Up The Illusion Of Control

Control of others that is…

I’m not sure when the transition happened, but it seems clear to me that my expectations of others have dropped considerably.

No, not in that cynical way, but in the “living for today” sort of way…

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You never had it

Oh, there are specific people that it might have looked like you could control – perhaps a child, spouse or employee. But that was never complete control as the other person still had to move their muscles to make things happen.

A lot less anger

That’s really what I’m seeing.

If you don’t pretend to have control over the other person, isn’t it really a matter of just seeing what they’re interested in – and interested in doing?

Why would there be cause to get angry when the other guy does what he wants to do?

Giving up expectations and responsibility

This might be the corollary.

If I’m trying less to predict where you’ll go next, I’m also not going to be responsible for your choices…

Might be painful for one or both of us, but that’s a lesson that’s got to come through – I can’t very well protect you from yourself;-)

Sure, the safety factor comes into play…

Yes, if you’ve got younglings, you probably have to exercise some control – but don’t think that’s a complete thing.

And yes, if we’re doing something together (like driving on the same road), I do hope that you’ll be obeying the established rules of the road. (But I’ll be on the lookout for those that might not be on top of things…)

Taking it as it is

I’m not saying you can’t work to make things better, but lets start with an honest recognition of the way things are, and the understanding that every player at the table is an independent.

Once you get that out of the way it’s easier to feel good about today.